Better way for Women to Learn NLP

Q: Wait, WHY do we need an easier way for women to learn NLP?
A: I do answer this question directly, but the answers make little sense without the missing context.

I personally encountered NLP in 1978. Since the first Bandler-Grinder NLP books came out in 1974, this was pretty early. I’ve never heard or seen of women excluded from reading, learning or training to NLP.

NONETHELESS in Dec. 2018 Mr Google has 243,000 pages for the search string: “neuro linguistic programming “for women” AND virtually nothing of substance.

What do these pages display? Check it out:
- One page concerns a woman who used NLP to get a $20,000 raise in salary (how women can be more assertive and act more like men?)
- One page for an extinct “NLP for Women” Meetup group
- A liberal sprinkling of female NLP trainers, coaches.

If we ask how many females trained in NLP teach NLP or frame NLP for women, or for women’s issues, in Dec 2018 there is nothing at all I can find.

Q: What about all the NLP for dating topics?

A: Yes, both male and female NLP experts are teaching men to meet and sleep with women; and, women to meet and sleep with men. This can be an authentic use of NLP but hardly its finest moment in psychology or for women’s values.

Beyond he above, NLP applied to women’s interests and values appears to be as rare as male midwives; or, as my farmer Grandmother used to say, “rare as hen’s teeth.”

The future of NLP is relevant to “NLP for women” too.

In 2119, 100 years from now, I expect dramatic changes to be evident in mainstream psychology. Among other changes, I expect the split between psychology and healthy spirituality to be bridged significantly.

The bridging began in the 1990s in Religious Science, Agape and Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness versions of “ecumenical spirituality” which were also heartfelt and towards building local, intentional community.

“Practical Spirituality” was a big part of this bridging. University of Santa Monica, USM was among the first after MSIA to popularize Practical Spirituality as both effective and profitable

In 2119, I expect the premier mainstream psychologies used for client support to be based around:
- Compassionate (nonviolent) Communication (NVC), and
- Solution-Focussed Brief Therapy (SFBT).

To see 2119 like I see it, you have to imagine each of these taught and practiced much more thru games and interactive exercises, rather than thru books.

Other than more interactive and incorporating Practical Spirituality, I don’t expect SFBT to evolve much.

I expect NLP to evolve significantly to incorporate the ideas of:
- Our TWO Brains, gut and head; and by 2119, the idea of a Habit Body. The tools useful to manage your Habit Body are already here today in NLP.

Of the three psychologies, I expect NVC to evolve the most. I expect it to evolve most beyond any resemblance to how we have known NVC, 1972–2010.

The changes to NVC will be primarily in delivering experiences and training is a 90–100% experiential fashion. In addition to games and interactive exercises, the USM triads will be used to teach and practice NVC.

At we are hoping to demonstrate this more fun, more interactive way to learn NVC.

The above completes the needed context, as I see it, for a more woman-friendly way to learn NLP.

Woman-friendly NLP

Most people I know exposed to NLP either Read 1, 2 or 3 of the following books:

- Frogs into Princes
- Structure of Magic Vols 1 and 2.

Alternatively, newcomers take a training taught by a single male trainer.

If you came into NLP this way, the unspoken subtext communicated to you is: NLP is a male topic; NLP exists in the realm of male mathematical minds. To understand it, you have to think like a male mathematician or male linguist.

This male-centric, mathematical-linguistic-oriented entryway into NLP is likely a large factor in why so few women, relative to men, take any interest in the wisdoms of NLP.


Another way to learn NLP exists, especially for women. This is thru Virginia Satir. Specifically two NLP books on her methods:

- Virginia Satir, The Patterns of Her Magic, by Steve Andreas (1991) 160 pages

- Changing With Families, by Bandler, Grinder and Satir (176) 177 pages

Good news — Both these books are short. Their content overlaps. You might not have to read all of both books.

Q: What changes if you start your study of NLP with either of these two books?

A: You get a female entry way into NLP, a conversational entryway, instead of a mathematical introduction.

You get focussed on the topic of how people distort language to reflect their own distorted perceptions. You learn if you call them on their distortions, you can empower them to clean up their own “middle zone” of disturbed thinking, feeling and self-talk. This is very empowering to clients.

There is much more you can learn and do from Virginia; and, you start with learning:
- how to listen more,
- how to listen better,
- how to voice more meaningful questions.

This empowers the inner-counselor in everyone.

The distorted language constructs Virginia encourages counselors to listen for are:

Distortion, Deletion, Generalization and Exaggeration

I add “Exaggeration,” to Virginia’s list as it is conspicuous by its absence. We all use exaggeration to “make a story better.” Especially when a client is “telling themself a story,” “Nobody loves me; they never loved me,” listen for exaggerations you might wish to check out. Real life often fails to live up to the drama we keep repeating to our self.

To Learn More
To look for used books, I recommend and over Amazon. Get the cheapest used copy of the condition you wish.
A terrific list of ten distortions to listen for is here: 10 Distorted Thinking Patterns

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Author, Health Intuitive, Bruce Dickson online: