Grade 6–12 classroom lesson on Violent Communication
What is Violent Communication? Here’s a pretty good definition:
Violent Communication is (1) between a speaker and at least one listener, any expression, with overt or covert intention is to manipulate or maneuver your listener into a subservient, lesser, or lower position.
(2) Any demand, obvious or subtle, for your listener submit to you.
VC is a rhetoric, a language, of defining and creating INequality where is exists or is imagined to exist. VC rhetoric comes from win~lose thinking and always promote top dog~underdog Inequality. Internally VC occurs thru self-talk and imagined conversations.
VC excuses the speaker from the emotional work of compassion; and the mental work, of coming up with win-win solutions. Man-splaining, intellectual understanding trying to “fix” a situation, advising, one-upping, correcting, or interrogating a person are all strategies
Costs of using VC
If we speak violently to others, they MAY do what we want by our making them one-down compared to us. Still, important questions to ask are:
- Are you building or losing trust with the person by making them the underdog?
- If you praise them, what happens when you are not present to deliver punishments and rewards?
Reference
https://www.heartland.edu/documents/idc/What%20is%20violent%20comm%20and%20nvc%20(Winters).pdf
Classroom exercise ~ brainstorming VC examples on 5x8” cards
Tell them to make groups of three to five, with one or more learner who is new to them.
They are to write down VC examples using ideally only one or two words to describe it. Write the one word big enuf people can read it on floor from being seated in chairs.
Okay to write a sentence explain the one or two words below the words.
When cards are completed, scatter on floor. Introduce the Five Types of VC: moralistic judgments; comparisons; denying-avoiding personal responsibility;
demands to submit; praise-compliments.
Each of these has a shoebox and box is labeled with its category.
Ask: Who sees one card on the floor and knows which shoebox it goes into? [Learner gets out of seat, picks up, card, puts in the box.
Ask: Okay, who’s next? Keep going around the room, until everyone has had at least one turn.
Ask: Anyone notice something or have something to share? [take sharing]
Facilitate: Okay, everyone please stand up. Please put all the cards into their appropriate box.
Ask: Which box has the most cards? What does this suggest to you?
Ask: Which box has the least cards? What does this suggest to you?
Facilitator demo: Okay, I have a confession to make. I’ve thought about this. The category of VC I, myself am still working to reduce is _____. [(See ”5 Types of Violent Communication” in References below.) Tell them your struggle on this category of VC: Violent communication is any form of communication that blocks our ability to focus on our core humanity and establish real connections. Many of these ideas are so embedded in our language and culture we’ve become numb to how they create more emotional distance between ourselves and others.
[Give learners explicit permission to bring your use of this form of VC to your attention in the year to come.]
Ask: Raise you hand if you are aware of a category of VC you are struggling with Who want to share?
AT end: Say: We’re going to keep these boxes around for a week. If you think of new VC to ass to a box, please make a card. I’ll make time at the start of each class this coming week so new cards can be shown and discussed.
Reference
Shortform Books: 5 Types of Violent Communication — https://www.shortform.com/blog/violent-communication/
