Partner conversation flow chart
From the Insight Colleges writing project https://insightcolleges.substack.com/
- Start with self-empathy:
In this conversation, am I being triggered by…
- What I’m hearing or seeing?
- What I’m feeling in my body?
- What I’m thinking or imagining?
- What I’m needing and not getting?
2) Self care, Self-leadership:
- Am I centered, open, relaxed? If not back to TOP of flow chart.
- Am I curious and willing to connect?
- Am I aware I don’t have all the answers?
- Am I open to any resolution meeting both their needs and my needs?
OR AM I…
- Stressed scared, angry?
- Wanting to be right?
- Wanting my way to dominate?
- Closed to win-win outcomes I did not imagine?
3) Observing my partner…
- Are they being triggered by what they see or hear?
- Are they being triggered by what they are feeling, needing, imagining?
4) Responding to my partner…
- What I’m feeling is…
- What I’m needing is…
- I wonder if you are needing A?, B?, C?
- I wonder if you are feeling, X? Y? Z?
(okay to ask about feelings first; yet, may not be necessary. if you can, go directly to guessing what they need)
5) Make a request or a proposal which begins to address both your needs and their needs. With conversation, improve it until both like what is proposed.
Adapted, revised, improved from a 2010 NVC flowchart.