Talking with fearful and “in shock” persons in a pandemic

Notes from Bill Stierle webinar, April 2, 2020

What can you say when you notice your conversation partner looks fearful?

I asked communications expert Bill Stierle, this last night in a webinar. This paraphrases our exchange and other topics discussed by others.

I suggested asking the fearful-looking person, “Are you feeling afraid?”

Bill suggested this was not helpful. The fearful person is likely to be stuck in one or both of two ways:

- They cannot yet admit to the real emotion they are feeling, and/or

- They cannot yet connect their feeling with the exact underlying need prompting them to feel fearful.

Based on his experience using NVC, Bill had a wonderful suggestion. He says a stuck fearful person needs to connect their emotion with an authentic need. Then they can talk about, and do something about, their need.

The two needs most people fear in a pandemic are:

- I’m primarily fearful about my physical health, or

- I’m primarily fearful about my financial insecurity.

These are the two most likely needs for safety, trust and security. Having both is also okay.